THIS IS ME, NOT YOU! XD

What I write describes merely for who really I am. The serious thoughts and deep emotions perceived in my scripts shows the honest depiction of my inner character- that in my every laughter and jests accompanies worries and blues in life. Sounds corny right? Well even I can say, yes it is! But what can I do? Hard for me to admit, but I can’t deny that this is the “corny” part of me. Like you, I’m also a person whose worst enemy is boredom, who prefers fun than to bear a responsibility, who fears to be tied with commitment and who hates pressures for worry can bring me to insanity. But presently fate revealed to me the reality of life. My college life in UP challenged me to grow up from my childish attitude. But the funny thing is, I have to deal with change where in fact is I hate changes! Friendships are not restored forever because some things change between you as distance and times separated your path. Good things and lovely places will sooner or later be obscured. But I know that change is the only constant thing has on earth and I’m powerless to modify that fact. I’m living with the word “change” in my life.

Bjean- a person who dwells in the realm fantasy and make- up stories figuring out things amid the difficulties and ironies of life. Some say I am stupid but hey, I am not. I am just in- love and I think there’s nothing wrong with that.

Oftentimes, you’ll see me with my friends, having a good time and laughing out loud. Some think that I am one of those senseless students without any responsibilities to keep up, spending most of time roaming around the campus. They see me as the jolly and funny me but what they don’t know is that I am already dying in pain inside. I am hiding with those bogus smiles to conceal the lingering tears from my eyes. Other person thinks I am strong, strong enough to take every little thing they throw into me including defamations from people whom I don’t even know they exists but actually I am falling apart.

The truth is I am scared and weak Too weak to fool myself that I am contented and happy. When in fact I feel something is missing in me. I am weak that I can’t let go of something I can’t even call my own.

People think I am the easy- go- lucky one but in reality I’m half crazy thinking of the stuffs I need and I must do. I play by rules and I live with my beliefs. No one can dictate me to what I am going to write—even those people who see my writings as pieces of crap. I write to express my feelings… my emotions without any reservations.

I look at life as a vast space where no things, living and lifeless alike exists. It is us who create every single bit that makes life what we perceive it at this moment of our lives.

I started looking and interpreting things during my early elementary days. I have looked things as beautiful as springtime, blooming seasons on May months. Sunrise and sundown inspired me that someday I’ll be living in a place where everyone agrees that I fit in. However, I have witnessed the difference of the young minds and that of the old ones as I grew older. I have learned the parameters of the young minds to perceive and understand the various situations that come along its way.

As time moved on, I started to live uncertainty. I have always been afraid of not fitting into this world. I started to do things on my own. The way I look at it, the way I understand it.

“We choose our next world through what we learned from this one. Learn nothing and the next will be the same as this one, all the same limitations and lead weights to overcome…” This passage taken from the book entitled “Jonathan Livingstone Seagull”.

Reality it is, that what you do today will make some changes in the coming tomorrow. Live life the way you want to look at it, do everything that makes living worthwhile. I do not want to doubt, I just want to keep on believing that I’ll make a good life on my own. Life is a never ending space, it is what we make it.

I am a person who believes in destiny. I view life as a gift, a mystery and a purpose. Trials are merely challenges and despite failures, life is still beautiful. I learned the value of education and dignity. I learned how to be hopeful and happy amidst a hard up situation on life.

Raised with an open mind and open heart, I acknowledge my mistakes and I’m much eager to correct them. Every time I get lost, I’m always determined to find my way back. Each moment I experience downfall, I’m always strong to rise again and continue my journey. It doesn’t matter anymore what other people will say- what important is what my heart speaks and what my mind tells, with God’s guidance so that I could fulfill His purpose for me.

Yes there are times that things are meant to take place no matter how we oppose and refuse to accept it, sometimes they are inevitable that matter how we wish to control over these things, we can’t resist- just simply because they are destined to happen and the only thing we can do is to earn the essence of acceptance no matter what!

I’m just another simple and typical woman. I really love music, so don’t be shock guys that even in my emaciated figure. You would often see me playing my guitar. I am fond having good time and heart to heart chit- chat with my friends and though I may look boyish sometimes, don’t get me wrong, don’t be deceived of my “astig porma” because I assure you I’m 100% woman… not a girl, take note…

One thing, people may perceived me as a happy and always ready to throw a joke.. but deep within me, I’m just like anybody else who faced lots of challenges in life, once when I was in my lowest times of my life when I thought God maybe had forsaken my family was the time when I had proved that God is powerful and always there.

We’ll always encounter trials and problems but no matter how painful and unbearable they may seems yet we have to stay calm for God is in control and everything happens for a reason, and I myself had proven it.

People say I’m pushover and independent. I agree with them because these are exactly the composition of my entirety. They might think I have strong personality because I have survived lots of failures in life. Yet in spite of the strong personality I have, I am vulnerable.

As I grow old, my realizations about life become deeper, problems get bigger, situations become more complicated and things really get messed up. There are times I wish I could go back to my childhood… back to the time when the only man in my life were my dad and my brother, my only best friend was my mom, and any pain could only be healed by just a simple band- aid and candies.

But this is real now, no matter how I wanted to live a perfect life, still it’s difficult. Now I have learned the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, some songs don’t fit with its lyrics and beat, some stories don’t have clear beginning and don’t always have a happy ending.

Life is not about knowing and changing. It is but taking a moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next.

I’m just a simple person that strives and blooms in the beautiful shades of my dreams and in the principle that “whatever is in me and whoever I am, I must be grateful because these are God’s gifts to me and my task is to use these according to His will.

My life seems to be very unfair because I am constantly bombarded with lots of trials and sometimes I could say I must quit! But though I found thousand of reasons to give- up, still I found countless folds to go on with my quest.

I could still remember how my world stop turning when I disappointed myself during my graduation in high school. I was not able to meet my expectations due to some unacceptable reasons. I really shed a lot of tears in the face of my schoolmates and even hundreds of years would pass I would never forget that one segment in my high school life.

That incident had forced me to strive harder and prove to everybody that I have the capabilities to show what I have with fairness. Though I was not able to get and show what I want, I know this time I can make it… this time would be the perfect moment to finally fix those that have turned into fragments. I know God has His very special reason why it happened to me. I can make these through with the people who loved and cared for me- my family, and my friends.

I have lived in fear with the voice of my parents. They always talk about morality, the essence of education to name a few, which counted as one to develop my personality. Ever since, I have provided my life with almost anything can do to make myself happy; good opportunities, positive life’s realities and even tried several types of friendship just to test the strength my life can undergo under stress and strain.

In the halfway of my battle with nature, I have seen the image difference of truth and reality. I have tried to change other’s negative ways to make their life easier and more flexible yet they did not listen. Freewill—that is the answer to the unbearable sorrow I am carrying.

People may try to define me as a “moody person”, well its okay. I admit it. All I can say is I respect everyone. Even though I can’t see the endways of my life, I am ready to face the hitches that may hinder me in my journey.

Life is never a bunch of sweet candies, but instead it is a surprising box of chocolates—bitter yet sweet.

In my own quest, life has proven to me as a mixture of everything from the various emotions, from failure to success, love and hate and hellos and goodbyes. And that everything we want comes with a price… indeed life and living it is never an easy thing.

In my early years I had already experienced the searing pain of losing someone I dearly love and part of my life, my father. Reflecting on my 20 years of existence I still remembered it as the most painful event in my life. In my young minds I was confronted by harsh reality that life is far from being fairy tales, where everything do just fine and do always have a happy ending, but rather life sometimes can be so cruel and unfair. Since that event in my life aside from awakening me to the reality of life I also discovered my greatest fear, that made me shiver and crumpled in one corner, so helpless… when I saw someone I really love dying before my eyes. It felt so bad that no matter how I wanted to make him stay because I know life would never be the same again without him, yet there was nothing I can do to stop it from happening, to ease the deep pain and miseries that were etched on his face. It left me no choice at all but to let go.

When I was child, I usually asked myself in the mirror, “why I am here?”. It seems pretty darn but as I grow older, that question is yet unanswered. I try to figure it out and search the real me. I look back from the beginning of my existence and stopped. I finally found it, and now I am standing in the limelight of my own destiny that brings me to what I am now. I start making my own story and the first sentence is to reveal to you the person behind me.

I am an emotional type person. I easily cried over something that breaks or touches my heart. My parents taught me to become independent in taking my responsibility. I don’t want to disappoint them—that’s my biggest fear. Life for me is not constant. Whether I like it or not, I should learn now to move on, leave behind the painful past and face tomorrow. I hate taking chances. One reason, I’m afraid to fail. Failure is my greatest weakness and enemy. I am often misjudged as “mataray” and silent type person and to tell you honestly that’s the opposite. I am blessed with true friends; they are part of my story. I love laughing— it’s my way to cover up my true emotions especially if I have a problem. Sometimes I am a pigheaded person. I want to do things according to my own plan. Skeleton on my closet? I don’t think so. I love sharing the story of my life even though its boring, right? I am in my third chapter of my account and if you are still willing to read me better that I am now, hang on and keep me up. Tomorrow it may all change.

Life is an art itself, a timeless masterpiece created by the marvelous hands of God. It is a boundless wonders and cryptic mysteries which the clues and solutions lies deeply within us, only for us to seek and perceive heartily.

It’s been a cliché that we are the author of our own story. We are always given chances on how we could handle and deal with it, but let’s also accept and face the truth that even the best laid plans sometimes workout in an unexpected ways.

When I was in my younger years, I dwell in a belief that my family is an ideal one, a happy and almost perfect one, but everything changes and turned into chaos when my father died. It left my family shattered in just a wink of an eye. I carried this dilemma for years lingering in my head and marked in my heart. With all the confusion, frustration and hatred my life shattered into a vast nightmares. For how many times I kept on asking God why I have to suffer such miseries in life.

Several days had passed until I finally understood why all those things happened, eventually my mind was enlightened why I had to undergo all those mishaps in my life. I found the answer to all the questions that’s keep me holding back all along and I realized that everything happened in our life comes with a purpose.

Big things start from simple beginnings. I may not grapple much of life’s bits and pieces of opulence nor grasp an ambivalent temperament, a sophisticated and glamorous lifestyle. Yet my life is genuinely fraught with a steadfast and unmitigated felicity.

Like the startling crack of dawn my persona spills out from sudden smooth and solace vanishing of the frosty dew, where it reflects the unveiling of my character.

The ethics that had hovered my persona, contemplates much in the pursuance of my dreams. I face my quest one day at a time, slowly but surely. It’s a matter of giving your best and not a little portion of your excellence. A keenful and idealistic decision should always be observed.

I’ll cross the narrow path heading to the portals of my mind opportunities that awaits to home and embellish my potentialities in any aspect of life it may serve.

I may be ostracize and stone because of my conceptions in life. But I will not cease upholding the principles I have lived.

I have been defining my own ethnicity and take full control over my demeanors, so as not to live life with immensity of regrets.

“We must not fall into anxiety while winding in a murky path—barefooted. Life is beautiful, all we need to do is to deal with it, because at the end of the day we’ll reap all our aspirations and reach the pinnacles of success.”

So… this ends my story.